My NS Experience – Rock Bottom

September 16th, 2005

[Part 3 of a series of 3. Part 2 can be found here]

Fat people are forward-thinking visionaries of near-prophetic abilities.

Let me qualify: We are constantly wondering when the next meal will be and make us walk in the wilderness for more than 200m and we will fall to the ground, writhing, sweating, and murmuring religious devotions like "O! my god… Stercus, Stercus, Morticus Sum".

This happened when we donned our uniforms for the very first time. It was rather uncomfortable. Especially the 2 kg boots.

What’s worse was the SAF Standard Battle Order (SBO), more commonly known as the Army Bra.

However, as the pioneer batch of elite elephants, we had the best and the latest equipment, which include a new and improved Army Bra (design copied the Nazis, which says a lot) that could hold more equipment, had more padding (like we needed it) and would fall apart (ammunition, grenades, chocolates and other essential battle equipment) easily in wet weather.

Most soldiers are wearing it now, but for the record, we were the first.

We had to. It was the only belt that we could wear around us without the aid of a boomerang.


We were put into 2 companies of 3 platoons each. The two companies were called "Ninja" and "Marine".

Oh, how they mock us.


However, the quarters were rather pleasant. We were allocated rooms with a balcony that had an excellent view of the outside world.

We spent many evenings with the cool breeze delicately mingled the scent of the jungle with our liniment lotion (Sloan’s Liniment is the best) as we lay on the floor groaning.

It was four to a room. Double-decker beds were too risky.

SBC (Singapore Broadcasting Corp) is always around.

Area cleaning was quite tedious. Apparently, our CSM (Company Sergeant Major, AKA Encik) disapproves of leaves despite the fact they decompose into excellent fertilizers for the tree, thus bringing about a closure into the cyclical wonder of life.

[This was written in 1996 as part 3 of a series of 3. Part 1 can be found here.]

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