Archive for February, 2006

Thankyou You

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

RIMG0034Contrary to popular belief, I am not good with words.

Having spent too much time reading Andy Rooney, I am no longer able to use big words like "Marmalade".

In any case, I would like to thank you all for all the flowers, kind words, thoughts and support during these trying times.

You are a great comfort.

Why we love the Internet

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

A man named Simon Webbon posted: "…
can anyone with a sense of moral justice in this world spam this number: …"

Sample Replies:

"i
just sent them a text saying ‘simon webbon says he thinks you’re a
bunch of useless cunts, and you can shove your damn clamps up your
arse’."

"’simon webbon says he’s sorry and if you pop round his house he’ll give you £100’"

"’I RAPED YOUR DAUGHTER LOTS OF LOVE SIMON WEBBON AKA THE BLOKE YOU CLAMPED EARLIER IN MANC X’"

Man eats Chicken on 50th Wedding Anniversary

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

Key quote to pique your interest: "Canned food can last indefinitely if it has been sealed properly, although the normal shelf life is about six months."

Here’s the video.

Why people get excited over ice skating

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Captolypa22102202100winter_olympics_figu Because of the nice costumes.

Hey boys and girls, drugs like Meth is bad for you

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Here’s why.

[Actually, I think some look better after…]

This blog will not question a person’s right to dress up like Elvis

Monday, February 27th, 2006

To consume vast quantities for the purpose of hurling.

However, this blog will exercise the freedom of speech(lessness) and ask: Why, in the name of all that’s good and holy, a camel toe?

Eulogy (or why a working sound system is important or what are the important bits when thanking people)

Sunday, February 26th, 2006

RIMG0053

What I said:

Thank you all for coming.

My father passed away peacefully, by the Grace of God, in his sleep on the 20th of February 2006.

They say Death is as light as a feather while duty is as heavy as the mountains. These past few days would have been very difficult for the family if not for:

  • Uncle Leong, my father’s younger brother, who travelled all the way from KL to be with us today.
  • Ah Mui, my father’s niece and her husband who travelled from Melaka.
  • My mom’s family, my uncle’s, aunts and cousins who provided tremendous support and assistance in terms of logistics and simply being there for us.
  • My mom’s friends, in particular, Aunty Diana and Aunty Hoon, whose comfort and succour was invaluable.
  • My sister’s friend, Low Seh Kiat, for his help in transportation and simply being there.
  • Pastor Kenny
  • The Sion Presbyterian Church especially the choir and the congregation.

Thank you for your kindness and support during these difficult times.

As a very small token of our appreciation, my family would like to invite you to join us for a small meal after the funeral and cremation at the Lai Wah Restaurant on Bendemeer Road.

Once again, thank you.

What they heard:

Mumble murmur mumble rumble. Mumble murmur mumble rumble. Mumble murmur rumble. Pause. Mumble murmur mumble rumble. Pause. Mumble murmur mumble rumble. Mumble murmur rumble.

  • Uncle Leong, mumble mumble mumble.
  • Ah Mui, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.
  • My mom’s family, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, murmur murmur.
  • Mumble, mumble, Aunty Diana and Aunty Hoon, mumble, mumble, rumble.
  • mumble, mumble, Low Seh Kiat, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.
  • Pastor Kenny
  • Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.

Mumble, mumble, pause. Mumble, mumble, murmer, murmur, mumble, mumble, rumble, rumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, pause.

Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, Lai Wah, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, pause.

Mumble, mumble, thank you.

[When I was saying the names, I looked at the person, who in response, nodded. So, as they know who they are, alls well.]

;P

On Depravity

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

- Mark Twain

Attention women in plaster casts

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006

Here’s a way to make some money.

Somehow, you know it’s members are mostly men.

Tall people rule

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006

Key Quote: "…short people are discriminated against as they are expected to be low achievers."

A person that denies history has no past

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

And no future.

Poor choice of words

Monday, February 20th, 2006

Ouch. I sent an email that used the terms inappropriately. So here’s a correction:

The wake will be from 21st Feb till the 23rd Feb at Singapore Casket (from 10.30am onwards, church service starts at 8pm).

The funeral will be on 23rd Feb, afternoon around tea-time at Mandai Crematorium.

The burial, and this is the cool part, will be on the 24th (Friday) at Clifford Pier.

PugprayThere will be no food served at the wake as the most excellent Lavender Street Market Hawker Centre is just round the corner with its outstanding Wanton Noodles Stall. And the Ming Chung Restaurant is just down the road.

Come at around 6pm so that I can join you for dinner there before the service ok?

This blog apologizes for the misunderstanding caused due to the wrong terminology. It does not have much experience with this sort of thing.

On Religion

Monday, February 20th, 2006

History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.

- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love.

After a long battle with cancer

Monday, February 20th, 2006

My father has moved on to a better place.

Thank you for the encouragement and support you have shown these past months.

Truly,

Ivan.

p.s. I remain contactable through the usual means.

p.p.s. This blog will update sporadically when time allows. Hey, the world still needs things to laugh at.

The Office

Friday, February 17th, 2006

Does not sanctify the holder.

I believe that the common refrain of "He’s only human" does not apply to people who are supposed to be the moral compasses of society.