Archive for February, 2009

Woman Used Wedgie To Nab Burglar

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

Crimefighter Quote Of The Day: “I want to help.”

Why Local Television Is Boring

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Key Quote: “The real scandal was that she slapped me – not my boob-grabbing.”

Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture

Friday, February 20th, 2009

A giant rat with one-inch-long teeth has been caught in the southern Chinese province of Fujian.

When Kissing At Railway Stations Is Outlawed

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Only Outlaws Will Kiss At Railway Stations.

Potatos and Pudenda

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Key Quote: “As surely as monkeys at typewriters will end up tapping out the works of Shakespeare, a Peruvian film about a woman with a potato in her vagina will – at some point – win the Golden Bear.”

Who Was That Masked Stranger?

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Mystery monks abandon dentist practice.

Key Testimony Of Pre-Monk Dental Practice: “”One day a mate of mine came in with a loose tooth and wanted me to pull it out. I hooked on with a pair of pliers and obliged him. But before I did I poured some rum into him and over the pliers to disinfect and sterilise my instrument. He was trying to lick the pliers clean as I was yanking.”

Dog Poo Escalation

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

Key Cool Mom Quote: “According to the mother she knocked the gun away and the clip fell out. She said that she then picked up the clip and threw it across the street.”

Criminal Mastermind Of The Week

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Key Quote: “Sierra then grabbed the beers and ran from the store. The clerk called police who arrived minutes later to find Sierra sitting on the kerb drinking the beer.”

Windows 7 Dead On Arrival

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

I report; you decide.

Key Quote: “…what WAS a surprise: Noting that Win7 allows programs like Photoshop to stealthily insert themselves in your firewall exception list. Further, that the OS is crippled towards allowing large software vendors to penetrate your machine. Even further, that that crippling is responsible for disabling of a program based on a modified .dll. Remote attestation, anyone?”

Teacher Caught With Own Economic Stimulus Package

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Key Quote: “an Ohio fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class after using a school computer to arrange an afternoon tryst at a motel.”

Pets Who Want To Kill Themselves

Monday, February 16th, 2009

Alternatively, they will soon rise up and kill us instead.

UK Police Stumped

Monday, February 16th, 2009

Key Quote: “TAGGED Bret Ravenhill spent three months fighting the urge to break his curfew — after the tracking device was fitted to his FALSE LEG.”

I guess they think he won’t get far on foot.